Last month I purchased a Gerber bladeless multitool at Amazon. It arrived in good order, and fast.

The first time I used it to cut 14g copper wire, the carbide wire cutter blade disintegrated. No problem, right? Just call Gerber and I’ll bet they send a cutter blade right out, right?

Not so much. Gerber’s solution to “customer service” is to offer to take your complaint, and allow you to send it back: from there they’ll fix it as needed.

So I called the number on their website, and was connected to a very pleasant person on the other end of the phone. She offered to connect me to a gent (sorry, I can’t call his name right now) at extension 1149 and I left a detailed message with my info. Two days later, no call back. I called again after two days- two days after that, still no call or email back.

I remembered that Amazon allows returns, so I got back on their website, and lo, returns are easy. I chose the replacement option, and they pay for shipping-you can even print out a UPS return label. I’d rather keep the tool I’ve got, but a new one will be fine.

Gerber, I’m going to use this tool until It wears out, and I’m never spending another cent on your products again. I’m glad you’ve got so much business that you don’t have to deal with peasants like me, but I hope enough people get tired of you lack of actual customer service that you either change or go under. If I’d been able to contact someone who could help me out, you’d have won my business for life. Instead, your (or your stockholders) have squandered my loyalty to save yourself from a little inconvenience or expense.

Amazon, All I can say about you is…bravo. Fixing this couldn’t have been easier. I hate to use this kind of customer service because the “replacement” mentality doesn’t appeal to me, but in the face of the shitty service Gerber “provides” it’s a breath of fresh air. Thank you for having actual customer service, even if it isn’t the exact kind I’d prefer. I appreciate it very much, and you’ve gained a loyal customer.

Thank you, dear reader for listening to me bitch. I’ll try to be good for a while and bring you more uplifting posts now that I’ve gotten this off my chest.

Edited to add: I took my label and tool to the UPS store, and a red headed siren helped me get it in a shipping pouch, knew exactly what to do with all the pieces of paper that I printed off, taped the label to the pouch-voila! It was done. I neglected to get her name, but I left the store thinking that she certainly wasn’t on of those women who make 77 cents for every dollar a man makes. If I could hire her, I would in an instant.