How to be a better landlord

Pay no attention to this post. It serves to help those who probably won’t read this anyway.

These are my suggestions for better landlorliness, in no particular order.

Don’t drop by unannounced, or when the lessee is out, to pick up your mail. In fact, get it delivered to your new residence.

Don’t call or otherwise pester your lessee every (or most) weekend mornings, more especially prior to 8:00 a.m. Instead, call him the evening before at a civil hour and tell him of your grand plans. If he’s interested, he’ll likely accept and be dressed and ready when you arrive the next day. If not, he’ll probably lay in bed and rest, especially if he’s a working man who cherishes the weekends.

When your lessee tries to throw out trash (i.e. rotten cardboard, rotten lumber, carpet, etc., let him. It’s part of taking care of your real estate, and the neighbors will thank you.

Don’t bring trash from the alleyways into the freshly cleaned back yard and leave it there so you can “use it later”. It might make your lessee pissy.

Don’t hang your deer in the freshly cleaned garage, to skin, and bone, leaving hair, blood, and meat on the floor. This will make your lessee very pissy, especially if you don’t clean it up, and he has to do it. Do not be surprised if he’s pissy, either.

If your lessee locks the gate differently than you do, live with it: don’t change the way of locking the gate while he’s gone. And don’t rearrange the back yard to suit your dog, because neither you or your dog live there any more.

Don’t ever try to exert your authority over your lessee’s life: you don’t have any. If you did, he’d throw off that yoke in a hurry.

Don’t ask your lessee to host your videos on his YouTube account. In fact, get your own damned YouTube account.

Don’t ask your lessee for access to his laptop if it requires revealing his password. Asking him just makes the relationship awkward. See above.

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